Archive for November, 2008


November 9th, 2008 No comments

(Story made for a thread of a forum, where stories are posted made in one sitting)

“Now what the hell is all this out here?” Ivan said, smiling and walking closer to the figure in front of him. The man turned his head to see his new found audience, faking a sense of lost balance as he adjusted his weight on the railing. Ivan took another deep drag of his rolled cigarette, quietly laughing to himself as he blew it into the air.
“Just leave me alone” the man said, looking towards the night sky. Ivan could hear the desperate whine of his voice, the pathetic immature crackling of a young mind.
“Oh sorry, my little friend! I simply needed a bit of fresh air from the party inside. But now, something has struck my curiosity out here – something a bit more interesting than social gesturing of the gathering inside.” Ivan walked closer to the end of the balcony, placing his hands on the railing a few feet away of the man, leaning over to the see the street below him. Twenty floors separated the two men from the hard concrete below, the busy midnight street.
The man hands shook violently, as he reached them up to rub his eyes. The railing was wide enough to let him stand comfortably, but he seemed drunk enough to easily slip. “Jesus Christ…” he said to himself, looking down once again, imagining the outcome of his decision. He tried to ignore Ivan, or at least seem as if he was.
“Yep, quite the fall you got ahead of you. You could certainly hurt yourself fallen’ like that.” Ivan responded, nodding his head and giving the expression of an idiot in deep thought. The young man looked back to see what sort of person would give such an incredibly stupid response, to see a grinning young man about his age, talking in a pretentious sarcastic tone.
“Just imagine your ragdoll helpless body, falling through the air with increasing speed, limbs flaying wildly as your mind instantly regrets such a decision. The inevitable splat, meat smacking pavement, instant nothingness. A piece of helpless cheese turned into mush”
“What the fuck is wrong you?” The man responded, shocked by the utter lack of empathy.
“What? You don’t wanna hear what will happen to you? You’re hoping for an easy fall then saint fucking peter will be there to guide you to eternal bliss? Well you fucking got a…” Ivan began to mumble and trail off, injecting each word with a large laugh, until finally taking another chug of his drink.
“Just get the fuck away from me”
“Why? So another random party goer can come out here and witness your little display? What is this? A gesture to the gods for the act of your own creation, or some little dramatic play for my amusement?”
The man shook his head, and tried to drown out Ivan’s booming voice in the silent night. Ivan calmly just looked over the city in front of him, until curiosity over took him once again.
“Did ya leave a note? Some last brilliant words from a young philosopher such as yourself?”
Ivan threw his hands into the air. “Oh this cruel world! Why has love forsaken me so! To be, is it better to be? To not? Oh why not?! Ah sling and arrows… and such and such”
“You’re fucking crazy”
“Ah the metaphysical despair of it all! The whiney lack of meaning, all coming from the bitchy need of being bored and asking why there isn’t something else to fill your mind. Questions of why only come when it hurts. A good time needs no explanation, no reason why. You think those drunken frat boys in there are wondering why? So my young philosopher, what is this despair?”
“What the fuck do you care. Leave me the fuck alone”
“Fine, as you wish”

Ivan shook his head, and began to walk away. After a few steps, he shrugged, placing his drink on the ground beside him, and came back for one last attempt. He couldn’t leave the man like this, Ivan wasn’t that sort of person, this was no joke.
“Look kid… what’s the problem?” he said, only a single foot separating the two. The man stayed silent, as Ivan continued… “I am sorry for not taking you seriously…. You sound like you are feeling abandoned…”
The man turned back, and looked into Ivan’s wide eyes.
“Am I right?” Ivan leaned he head over, gave a smile in an attempt to calm the man.
“She told me it was over”
Ivan sighed, breathing in deeply.
“I know you feel you cannot go on, but things will get better. What you are feeling is temporary. You are young, able, your life will go on. Just looking at you now kid, I know there is hope for you, I can see there will be other women, other love in your life. You just need to hold on. Do you hear me?”
The man began to cry, as turned and sat on the railing facing Ivan. Ivan placed his hands on the man’s shoulders, coming closer to his face.
“I believe in you and that you will get better. There is a light at the end of the tunnel – it’s ok if you don’t see it now.” Ivan embraced him closer, helping him lower to the ground.
“I loved her though”
“I understand. But if she left you, she doesn’t know what she is missing, eh?”
The man smiled, as Ivan began to laugh and joke. “I bet she is missing you now eh? Come on your not a bad catch!” The man laughed, as he hugged Ivan and began to wipe away the tears from his eyes. “So let’s take you back inside alright? Let’s go have a drink.”
“Sure thing man”
Ivan suddenly stopped laughing. He moved his face closer to the kid. “That’s… it?” He said.
Sniff…. “Sorry what?”
“I said… that’s it? That’s all there is? That’s all you needed?”
The man wiped more of his tears, and gave a confused expression to Ivan. “I don’t… know what you …”
“So that’s fucking it! Your great fucking metaphysical despair solved with a bit of human empathy! This giant show and action, all stopped because I told you everything was going to be alright?!? Because I said a bunch of bullshit cliché lines to make you feel a bit better? Did that really change your mind? Did that really make you see the point in life? Well, did it fucking make it all better?”
The man backed away from Ivan. He began to cry loudly, giving a facial expression begging for the empathy Ivan gave before.
“You pathetic piece of shit! Your utter lack of commitment to this fucking disgusts me!”
Ivan grabbed the young man, and using the almost super human strength of someone desperately enraged, threw him off the balcony, to land like a piece of cheese twenty floors below.

Categories: Stories

Joe’s Pigeons

November 9th, 2008 No comments

(Story made for a thread of a forum, where stories are posted made in one sitting)

Joe the Scientist ran through the alleyway, hotdog in hand, celebrating his recently published thesis with a night of cheap food and expensive candy drinks. He felt alive, powerful, and most of all, bloody fucking brilliant. Two Mars candy bars in his pocket, and a pound of miscellaneous meat in his hand, this was too be a good night. He was almost skipping through the alleyway, until he came to a strange figure in front of him.
“Hello little man” he said to the Pigeon. The pigeon turned around, moved its head up, and looked at him. Joe simply stared at this weird beast, the strangely symmetrical face, eyes so close together it seemed to be some cyclopic bird monster. He laughed as he made a ridiculous face at the pigeon, treating it like a child.
The pigeon made no sound, as it turned around to walk back toward a dark corner. Joe followed it, with a great smile on his face, bending over and mocking its quick little steps. He laughed joyfully once again as he took a bite of his hotdog, and followed it into the corner.
Joe’s eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness, as he looked up to see what was front of him. Dozens of pigeons were lined up along the brick wall. They just stared at him, without movement, some perched on windows, some on garbage cans, some simply standing on the ground in front of him. They seemed to have been waiting. Joe, a curious man, began to look around and analyze this weird behavior, as suddenly a massive roar came beside him. “ArkkkkkK!” Yelled the Pigeon beside his head, as it flew and knocked him in the face. “Fuck!” Joe screamed in a massive grunt, as he through his hands up to attack this new enemy. He waved his hands in the air wildly, as the other pigeons flew up to his face. A giant blur of white feathers covered his vision, while the sound of wings flapping and screeching was all he could hear. Some pecked briefly; others simply slammed into him and flew away, while the rest seemed to cover his entire body with quick pecks and attacks.
Joe began to run as fast as he drunkenly good back to the street, constantly falling over and being hit by pigeons. He finally came to the bright street light, where he had a moment to rest. The pigeons were suddenly gone, the attack over.
Joe looked at his hands. The hotdog was gone, only a little piece of ketchup covered bun left. He looked at his pockets, and only saw a black piece of wrapper reading ‘Ma’, the chocolate bars were taken. “Fucking rats!!” He screamed into the air.
“What happened to you?” Joe’s wife asked, as he walked in the door that night. Joe explained the attack, but was unable to even say the word ‘pigeon’ without a preceding ‘god damn motherfucking…’.
‘You were hit in the face by a pigeon? You mean like Fabio?’ She asked, grinning. “Yes like fucking Fabio!” He yelled back. She simply laughed, as he ranted on. “What the hell is the purpose of these damn flying rats anyway? They give nothing to society, they just scour the city searching for food! They just take from humans, give nothing but fucking shit on our car windows!”
His rant continued for hours, as the drunken Joe continued to pace around his house throughout the night. “Fuck the ecosystem!” He thought, “I’ll destroy them all! I’ll create some virus to kill them, I’ll genetically engineer a bird eating monster, I’ll personally find all of them and stomp on their heads! I don’t care what sort of cycle of life bullshit they are a part of.”
As the night went on, Joe slowly became more rational with his rage, until he came to a solution.
‘What the hell is it?’ Joe’s wife asked, as she looked at the giant contraction in her backyard. It looked like a steel vending machine, with a large faucet on the front of it pointing to the ground. On the top of the vending machine were hundreds of nickels and dimes, some small bills, at least a hundred dollars in cash. Pigeons were all over it, some standing on the ground beside it, many just circling the air above it.
“It’s a flying rat feeder! Do you understand? This will make us rich!” Joe explained, very excited. “You see, I have placed some money on the top of the machine, and inside the machine is a few hundred pounds of pigeon food. For the pigeons to get the food, they simply pick up some of the money, drop it into the machine, and out comes food!”
“Why are you feeding pigeons?” She asked, still confused.
“Hah! You have to look at the big picture. It took a while for the first pigeon to learn how to get the food, but soon the other pigeons began to imitate him, now all the pigeons are using this as their main source of food! But think, what will happen when the money runs out?” Joe waited for an answer for a second, then continued. “The pigeons will no longer scour the city for food, but for cash! They will find cash on their own, maybe just small pennys and nickles dropped throughout the city. And they will bring it all to us! Hahah!” He ended with a mad scientist like joyful laugh.
Joe’s wife looked outside, to see her husband taking out bags and bags of cash out of the vending machine. Every few hours joe would come to the machine, which was constantly covered in pigeons, and would open it up to get a few hundred dollars worth of cash in the bags. His wife had noticed the bags kept getting bigger, as Joe would fill the machine with more and more bird feeder every day. “Jesus joe, isn’t this enough money?” she asked, looking at the new sack of cash. Joe just shrugged, “it beats working at the university!” he said. The wife grabbed the sack of money, and reached in. As she pulled out a handful of cash, she dropped all but one bill. A hundred dollar bill. Half of which, was covered in human blood. “Uhhhhh, Jesus” Joe responded.

Hundreds of people died in the days to come, as Pigeons flew throughout the city. They first just picked up pennys off the street, then maybe some loose change in the ‘give a penny’ jar,. They began to steal them right of people’s hands, then their pockets, then finally just tear a person apart to get at whatever they had. A penny in your pocket would mean a quick gibbing, as there was no protection from the savage beasts. They began to raid shops, homes, no one was safe from the attacks. As the people of the city became more protective, the Pigeons became organized. Soon banks became raided, with some pigeons taking out the alarm, as the others picked up the money from the safe.

Finally this was stopped, as laws were passed to shoot any pigeon convicted of theft. They became more organized, started to set up shops to sell merchandize they would make (mostly knitted sweaters), began to sell hotdogs on the street (at ridiculous prices), and finally, began to invest in the stock market. It was only a few years till a pigeon was the largest share holder of Microsoft, and Joe became the wealthiest man alive.

Categories: Stories

a first post…

November 8th, 2008 No comments

I started this blog as an attempt to keep up to date on programming projects and other random interests. I think I am going to try to update weekly on some XNA projects, and the long lost Zymotic project. Right now I am not a Nexuiz developer, more just a advisor on the project and web master, as more talented developers have taken my place, so there won’t be a lot of updates on Nexuiz development or progress.

As some info on what I am currently working on, here is a video of a XNA project I’ve been doing for school:

The game is called TopHatRabbit, just a simple side scroller game I am doing for a software engineering class. Uses the Farseer Physics engine, and can be ported to xbox fairly easily.

Categories: XNA